I hate school. I hate teenagers (too much drama), I hate chicks (they are bitches), I hate guys (they are ass holes), so pretty much the only people I like are gay guys. lol. This week sucked ass. I hated every minute of it except when I was with scott and occationaly when I was with Skip and/or Emily. School sucks worse already then it ever did last year. I have to look at Jesse everyday. At lunch Thursday we held eye contact for like 10 minutes but neither of us said a word. Its so hard looking at the person that was my best friend the one person who understood me probably more then I understood myself and not be able to run up and give him a hug and talk to him. I MISS HIM. I have so much to tell him...but he doesn't want to hear it. I need his advise...but he doesn't want to give it. I wish I could take back so many of the things I've done, so many of the things I've said, so much of the hurt I've caused. My dear Jesse I'm so sorry I let things get out of hand. I wish we could work things out. I'm so sorry to everyone. I know I caused a lot of hurt and anger in Richland. I'm sorry you guys! And Ken...I wish I could tell him how I feel right now but I can't. He's in too deep and I can't bare to hurt him. I did love him but I need to find myself before I can find true love. I've changed in so many ways...even just over the summer. I just need to be alone for a while. I need time to think. I need time to sort things out. I don't know if your the one for me. For all I know James could be the one for me. This time I have to be selfish because if I'm not it will hurt us both in the long run.<p>
I've been spending more time with my real friends. So tired of fake ones. Sydney, my girl, I love that white girl. She helped me out a lot last friday. Laurie went off on me about calling Matt. I didn't fight with her though cuz I was afraid we'd end up fighting and I'd get fired. So instead I sat there and took it and then got up and left. Called Sydney crying my eyes out and then went and got her and took her to work with me. Then she went and got my baby...Scott. I love that kid. He has a girlfriend but he's still my baby. I've been seeing him a lot more lately. Not just at school. He came and saw me at work twice and I went to get/see him twice. He's grown up a lot. It's almost like he's actually starting to care about people. It's great! If he'd ever get the guts to break up with his hoe it would be greater....<p>
Well I have a million other things running through my head but I'm much too tired to write about them. I will write tomorrow maybe. I love you guys. <p> -Gina